Pineapple.

Dear Pineapple,

I should like you. I should. You are sweet and just a little bit tart. You are exactly the kind of fruit that I like.

If only you didn't have those damn strings.

I got braces put on junior year of high school and didn't get them taken off until spring break of freshman year of college. As a result, I'm really weird about stuff between my teeth. I've been known to leave the table mid-meal to floss. It really drives me that crazy.

However, I don't remember EVER liking you.

I think it has to do that with the fact that you stab people when they pick you up.

It's a sign, people! When something stabs you, you should put it down. YOU DEFINITELY NOT EAT IT.

So, pineapple, I at one time I thought it was your stringy-ness but not you flavor so I got some pineapple juice. Still gross. Can't do it.


I leave you with this:
In high school I remember overhearing some girls of, um, "ill repute" (read: skanks) talking about eating lots of you because it was supposed to make them taste better. I still don't know what to say about that and I now understand what they were talking about.

Maybe I'm so emotionally, mentally and physically scarred from pineapple that my body can't tolerate it.