WTF is an olive, anyway?

I feel that is a legitimate question.

Is it a fruit? No, it's not sweet enough to be considered a fruit.

Is it a vegetable? Maybe, it IS savory.

Is it a seed? That would make sense. Maybe that's what the pit is!

Also, I don't think of them as food. Has anyone ever, in the history of the world sat down to a big bowl of OLIVES for a meal? I don't think so.

They're a garnish. They decorate martinis (although, I always ask for an onion), get chopped up and put on bread, are sprinkled over pasta, and that's about it. I can think of no other uses for olives.... EXCEPT THAT WEIRD LUNCH MEAT THAT HAS THE GREEN ONES IN IT!!!!! What the fuck is that? I've never had but it might be the most unappealing thing I've ever seen. Except for gefilte fish. But that's another post.

I'm not talking about olive oil. I love that. It's actually useful. But olives themselves are not.

I just do not understand olives or why people like them. It seems that there is no gray area when it comes to olives, either. You either like them or you don't. There is an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" that talks about this idea. Ted believes that his friends Marshall and Lily are perfect for each other because Marshall hates olives while Lily loves them. Read: They balance each other. Then Marshall reveals that he actually DOES like olives and has just been handing them over to Lilly for years because he'd rather watch her be happy, eating olives, than eat them himself.

I just need to to find a man that is willing to eat my olives. Provided he gargles with mouthwash first.

Tomatoes..yuck...

I do not understand the appeal of tomatoes.

It's a texture thing for me.

They are grainy and acidic and all around nasty.

And it is not just fresh tomatoes that I don't like. I can't stand marinara sauce, ketchup, tomato sorbet (yes, it exists), tomato soup, fried green tomatoes and tomato sauce.

The weird part? I like salsa and pizza sauce. Mostly because neither tastes like tomatoes. My love of salsa is relatively new; I didn't start eating it until about a year and a half ago. I can kill a bottle of salsa in a day and have eaten an entire pizza by my self in one sitting.

I think my dislike of tomatoes is the thing that my mother would battle me the most on. Every summer for as long as I can remember, my mom has had a vegetable garden and she can grow tomatoes like nobody's business. My parents and my sister all love tomatoes and we have at least 5 plants each year. One time, I sat at the dining room table for four hours after everyone else had finished because I refused to eat the tomatoes in my salad. I was about 4, I think.

I do understand the appeal of tomatoes. They are rather pretty and they come in so many different colors. Have you seen Cherokee Purples? Gorgeous! Yellow Plums? Beautiful! I would just rather look at them than ingest them.