GC2

The next guy to start a sentence with "I like you but..." is going to be punched in the throat.

paint

I have been painting a lot in these past few months. For me, painting is a form of meditation. I turn all the filters off in my brain and just let everything out.

I have turned in paintings instead of papers and gotten full credit.

Insomnia is a bitch

nuff said.

I'm sorry, you're a WHAT?!

I have been single for three years next week (Hold your applause, please) for various reasons that I quite frankly I don't want to get into at the moment. And being boyfriend-less for that amount of time leads to certain people wondering why and asking questions that are frankly none of their business:

Q: "Don't you WANT a boyfriend?"
A: Yes. But I also don't want to settle for anything less than awesome.

Q: "Are you getting over a bad break up?"
A: Yes and no. The first year or so, yes. The middle year, no. This past year, kind of sort of.

Q: "Has no guy shown any interest in you?"
A: No, there have been guys that liked me. But just because they like me doesn't mean I have to like them.

Q: "Haven't you been interested in any guy?"
A: Yes. And in a few instances it blew up in my face. One instances broke my heart in the worst possible way.

Q: "Are you a lesbian?"
A: Nope. No lesbian tendencies here. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Q: "What's wrong with you?"
A: None of your fucking business.

Clearly, because some random dude doesn't want to make a commitment to me there must be something amiss.

It really couldn't be as simple as I haven't meant anyone I want to put up with for an extended period of time.

That said, I have recently met not one but two guys that interest me. About a year after getting my heart smashed into a bagillion pieces. And what's nice is they both seem to be interested in me. Both are funny, intelligent, interested in theatre, quirky looking in a good way. It's quite nice, actually.

Here come the complications:

Gentleman Caller 1#: 35, involved with the show I'm in, comic book dork, short and hairy and adorable, currently going to back to school to get his bachelor's degree. We started out just being overly flirtatious and touchy at the bar after shows. I find out 3 weeks into it that he considers himself to be "relationshiply agnostic" (meaning he knows its there, but he chooses not to define it) and he has a lady friend of 2 years.

"UM, P'SCUSE!?"

Not only does he has a girlfriend, (wait for it. it gets worse. wait for it. it gets so much worse. wait for it.) they are swingers.

"I'm sorry, you're a WHAT?!"

Swingers. However, he claims that he does not participate. That he only agrees to it because she is honest about it. Apparently, she is polyamorous but he is not. He said that he doesn't think he'd continue to be in this kind of relationship if they were to break up tomorrow.

I don't even share deserts.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this whole thing. I am monogamous. I can't seem to wrap my head around the idea of sleeping with someone that I know is sleeping with someone else. Maybe it's my puritanical, WASP-ish upbringing but EW.

I didn't see him for a week. Stewed in my own thoughts. Brought Gentleman Caller 2# to the show.

Last week, I saw him and we talked about the situation. I don't know if anything was resolved. He did say that his lady friend is going to be coming to the show this weekend and he wanted to know if I was okay with it and with her coming to the bar afterward. I said that I was okay with it but I don't really know if that's true.

MOVING ON.........

Gentleman Caller 2#: Tall, lankly, bearded, awkward, big nose (which I LLLLOOOOVVVVEEEE), red haired, intelligent, age appropriate. I met him through my internship. We talk about art museums and Shakespeare.

I really don't have a lot to say about him because I wasn't sure if I liked him that much. He's very awkward and GC1 is uber confident. But lately, I have been wanting to hang out with him all the time. He's just nice to be around. And its easy. There is no weird relationship situation.

Note how short this section is.

I really like them both. I'm just not used to having two guys like me.

New Directions

I have decided that I will no longer be blogging exclusively about food that I don't like. Mostly because I feel the need to vent certain things and don't feel like starting a new blog.

Now, I have never eaten this but...

Yes. That is a sandwich. In a can. It comes in peanut butter and jelly (both grape and strawberry) and, brace yourself, BBQ CHICKEN?! Also, there is a candy surprise ins

This is just the lastest of premade convenient foods that confuse and disgust me. Like Smucker's Uncrustables. For those of you who don't know, these are premade sandwiches with out crusts. Because apparently having to make your kid a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and cutting off the crusts takes too long.

What is the world coming to?


UPDATE!! The man that has invented the Candwich is being sued. He funded the project by targeting real estate investors. He also isn't paying the manufacturers. So the Candwich won't be appearing on your grocery store shelves until later this year.

Get that raspberry crap OFF my cheesecake!

I love sweets. Seriously, I LOVE THEM! I don't share desserts.

REPEAT: I DO NOT SHARE DESSERTS!!!!!!

God help you if you try to sneak some of my cheesecake or chocolate chip cookie or brownie. There will be hell to pay. And hell hath no fury like a woman denied her sweet tooth.

This brings me to an event that no doubt everyone has experienced. You're at a restaurant. You've eaten your meal and the waiter has refilled your wine glass and offers coffee and dessert. You decide to indulge. Especially after you see that they have your favorite dessert, in this case cheesecake, on the menu tonight. You order excitedly, almost giddy with anticipation of what is coming to your table shortly. The waiter exits the kitchen. He is holding the tray on his shoulder so you can't see it but you are still salivating from the thought of your creamy, delicious, sweet yet with a slight tang, and decadent New York Style cheesecake coming your way. He carefully places the plate in front of you and you smile eagerly at him and your meal companion.

Then you look at your plate.

And it looks like someone murdered a fairy on it. How else can you explain the puddle of red, gloppy goo that your wonderful cheesecake is sitting in?

"Excuse me, but there's red stuff on my plate," you say to the waiter as politely as possible.

"Oh, that's our special raspberry coulis. It's dee-lightful."

"Yeah, well, it looks dee-sgusting."

"Try it, I swear, it's like nothing you've ever had."

"If I wanted my cheesecake sitting in raspberry gunk I would have said so. Can I get one that didn't contribute to the deaths of hundreds of young berries?"

I understand that some people like raspberries. I do. My issue is that a lot of times, the restaurants don't tell you that they're soaking your dark chocolate mousse cake in something that looks like stage blood from a production of Sweeney Todd. If you tell me, I'll ask for no sauce. And don't give me crap about it. If I wanted it, I wouldn't ask for it to not be there.

I don't like fruit in dessert at all. If I wanted something healthy and good for me, I wouldn't be eating dessert. So save your raspberry coulis, strawberry shortcake, apple pie and blueberry crumble for the confused souls that don't get the dessert is supposed to be sinful and orgasmic, not wholesome and nutritious.

Pineapple.

Dear Pineapple,

I should like you. I should. You are sweet and just a little bit tart. You are exactly the kind of fruit that I like.

If only you didn't have those damn strings.

I got braces put on junior year of high school and didn't get them taken off until spring break of freshman year of college. As a result, I'm really weird about stuff between my teeth. I've been known to leave the table mid-meal to floss. It really drives me that crazy.

However, I don't remember EVER liking you.

I think it has to do that with the fact that you stab people when they pick you up.

It's a sign, people! When something stabs you, you should put it down. YOU DEFINITELY NOT EAT IT.

So, pineapple, I at one time I thought it was your stringy-ness but not you flavor so I got some pineapple juice. Still gross. Can't do it.


I leave you with this:
In high school I remember overhearing some girls of, um, "ill repute" (read: skanks) talking about eating lots of you because it was supposed to make them taste better. I still don't know what to say about that and I now understand what they were talking about.

Maybe I'm so emotionally, mentally and physically scarred from pineapple that my body can't tolerate it.

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Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

Dessert!.... for breakfast?

When I was little I was not allowed to eat sugary breakfast cereals. My mom didn't think they had any nutritional value so they were all banned from our house. My sister and I grew up eating Rice Krispies and Cheerios and Chex. No Lucky Charms or Fruity Pebbles or CoCo Puffs. I always thought I was missing out.

When I started college, the dining center had a cereal bar that offered about a dozen different cereals. So, like any other 18 year old fresh out of their parents' house, I seized the opportunity to thumb my nose at their rules and tried it.

One of the most disgusting things I've eaten in my life. And I've tried Vegemite.

As someone with a pretty big sweet tooth (I do not share desserts), you would think I would love them but I actually prefer savory breakfasts. Eggs are amazing.

I don't have children or nieces or nephews so this is a bit judgmental but I wonder about the parents that allow their kids to eat things like Cap'n Crunch and Honey Smacks. You can insist that the kids won't eat anything else all you want but they weren't the ones that brought it into the house.

Again, I don't have kids. Maybe when I do I will give in and buy just to shut them up. But somehow, I think this is one of the things that my mom did that I will enforce.

I turned out all right. Even with out the Froot Loops.

FOOD, inc.

I need to see this movie. NEED to see it. The director, Robert Kenner, is on Bonnie Hunt right now and I do not have the words right now to express how disgusted I am with the food industry.

My sophomore year of high school I read "Fast Food Nation" and wound up writing a research paper about it.

RANDOM FACT: according to Kenner, a burger doesn't contain parts of 100 cows. The meat and the filler (which is treated with ammonia to kill E. Coli and looks like wood pulp) each contain parts of 1,000 cows. Each. That is 2,000 cows. TWO THOUSAND COWS.

I've made a decision. I am going to work towards being a vegetarian again. I am going to do this gradually, starting with one day a week where I eat no meat and eventually going up to eating no meat. This will be hard. I love bacon, ham, chicken, steak.

I was a vegetarian for about a year in high school and, yes, it was hard. I stopped because I got mono and lost a ton of weight in the three months I was sick so I started eating meat again to put the weight back on. I just never went back to being a vegetarian.

The hardest part about being a vegetarian for me was that I am not a big fan of fruit. I like apples, clementines, watermelons and...... um.... bananas, sometimes....... pomegranates...... and that's it. I'm a vegetable girl. Bell peppers, onions, sweet potatoes, squash, cucumbers, spinach, pea pods, I love it all.

Except, of course, tomatoes. They can burn in hell for all I care.

Ground beef tastes weird.

I love beef. Steaks, specifically. But beef stew, roast beef, and roladen (no pickles, please.) are just as awesome.

Nothing compares to a good steak, though.

GROUND BEEF MIGHT JUST BE THE MOST DISGUSTING THING EVER.

This is how I think ground beef came into existence:

"Hey there, Bob. I got all these spare parts from that cow we slaughtered and it's not enough meat to do anything with it."

"Man, Roy, I got a couple carcasses from the other day laying around too. What should we do with em?"

"I gotta idea, Bob! Let's get an old potato ricer and smush all this old meat into something that looks like a sponge, grill it, put it on bread and in a couple hundred years, our great, great grandsons will sprinkle truffles on it and charge schmucks five thousand dollars for it."

"Sounds great, Roy!"

...And so the hamburger was born.

Clearly, this is a dramatization. But my hatred for burgers and ground beef is real.

RANDOM FACT: That burger I described is totally real. Hubert Keller makes it. I can think of so many other things I would rather spend $5000 dollars on.

RANDOM FACT: A single hamburger contains meat from up to 100 cows.

I lived in Europe when I was growing up and I remember mad cow disease being a very real issue. Maybe that's what I am disgusted by ground beef. But that doesn't explain why I think that it tastes like cinnamon.

Ew.

I miss George Carlin.

WTF is an olive, anyway?

I feel that is a legitimate question.

Is it a fruit? No, it's not sweet enough to be considered a fruit.

Is it a vegetable? Maybe, it IS savory.

Is it a seed? That would make sense. Maybe that's what the pit is!

Also, I don't think of them as food. Has anyone ever, in the history of the world sat down to a big bowl of OLIVES for a meal? I don't think so.

They're a garnish. They decorate martinis (although, I always ask for an onion), get chopped up and put on bread, are sprinkled over pasta, and that's about it. I can think of no other uses for olives.... EXCEPT THAT WEIRD LUNCH MEAT THAT HAS THE GREEN ONES IN IT!!!!! What the fuck is that? I've never had but it might be the most unappealing thing I've ever seen. Except for gefilte fish. But that's another post.

I'm not talking about olive oil. I love that. It's actually useful. But olives themselves are not.

I just do not understand olives or why people like them. It seems that there is no gray area when it comes to olives, either. You either like them or you don't. There is an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" that talks about this idea. Ted believes that his friends Marshall and Lily are perfect for each other because Marshall hates olives while Lily loves them. Read: They balance each other. Then Marshall reveals that he actually DOES like olives and has just been handing them over to Lilly for years because he'd rather watch her be happy, eating olives, than eat them himself.

I just need to to find a man that is willing to eat my olives. Provided he gargles with mouthwash first.

Tomatoes..yuck...

I do not understand the appeal of tomatoes.

It's a texture thing for me.

They are grainy and acidic and all around nasty.

And it is not just fresh tomatoes that I don't like. I can't stand marinara sauce, ketchup, tomato sorbet (yes, it exists), tomato soup, fried green tomatoes and tomato sauce.

The weird part? I like salsa and pizza sauce. Mostly because neither tastes like tomatoes. My love of salsa is relatively new; I didn't start eating it until about a year and a half ago. I can kill a bottle of salsa in a day and have eaten an entire pizza by my self in one sitting.

I think my dislike of tomatoes is the thing that my mother would battle me the most on. Every summer for as long as I can remember, my mom has had a vegetable garden and she can grow tomatoes like nobody's business. My parents and my sister all love tomatoes and we have at least 5 plants each year. One time, I sat at the dining room table for four hours after everyone else had finished because I refused to eat the tomatoes in my salad. I was about 4, I think.

I do understand the appeal of tomatoes. They are rather pretty and they come in so many different colors. Have you seen Cherokee Purples? Gorgeous! Yellow Plums? Beautiful! I would just rather look at them than ingest them.