WTF is an olive, anyway?

I feel that is a legitimate question.

Is it a fruit? No, it's not sweet enough to be considered a fruit.

Is it a vegetable? Maybe, it IS savory.

Is it a seed? That would make sense. Maybe that's what the pit is!

Also, I don't think of them as food. Has anyone ever, in the history of the world sat down to a big bowl of OLIVES for a meal? I don't think so.

They're a garnish. They decorate martinis (although, I always ask for an onion), get chopped up and put on bread, are sprinkled over pasta, and that's about it. I can think of no other uses for olives.... EXCEPT THAT WEIRD LUNCH MEAT THAT HAS THE GREEN ONES IN IT!!!!! What the fuck is that? I've never had but it might be the most unappealing thing I've ever seen. Except for gefilte fish. But that's another post.

I'm not talking about olive oil. I love that. It's actually useful. But olives themselves are not.

I just do not understand olives or why people like them. It seems that there is no gray area when it comes to olives, either. You either like them or you don't. There is an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" that talks about this idea. Ted believes that his friends Marshall and Lily are perfect for each other because Marshall hates olives while Lily loves them. Read: They balance each other. Then Marshall reveals that he actually DOES like olives and has just been handing them over to Lilly for years because he'd rather watch her be happy, eating olives, than eat them himself.

I just need to to find a man that is willing to eat my olives. Provided he gargles with mouthwash first.